5 Mating Rituals That Look Totally Absurd

Humans don’t always excel when it comes to impressing our potential mates — after all, dating can be a turbulent affair full of awkward small talk, swiping on dating apps, narrowing down our likes and dislikes, and wondering who’s going to pick up the bill. 

But we have it pretty easy compared to some of the more intricate courtship rituals creatures have to endure in the wild. Across the animal kingdom, evolution has culminated in some truly dramatic, bizarre, and downright hilarious romantic strategies. Here we take a look at five of them, including ostentatious dances and impressive balls of dung. 

The Peacock Spider’s Funky Dance

Australia’s peacock spider is tiny — barely the size of a grain of rice — but its courtship energy is something to behold. To charm a female, the male raises a brilliantly colorful, fanlike abdominal flap and begins an intricate dance routine. 

He starts by vibrating at specific frequencies, known scientifically — and amusingly — as rumble-rumps — to attract the female’s attention. If she’s interested, he then raises two legs in the air and begins a funky dance routine complete with hot-stepping and jazz hands. It’s all good fun when things go well, but for the male, the stakes couldn’t be higher: If the female dislikes his choreography, there’s a chance she’ll attack him and eat him for dinner. 

The Blue-Footed Booby’s High-Stepping Show

Blue-footed boobies have a marvelous mating ritual that’s all about the feet. To attract a mate, the male first presents the female with a small stick or stone. He then begins to strut about, stretching out his wings and raising his beak to the sky while emitting a plaintive whistle, before lifting his bright blue feet one by one in a slow-motion high-stepping parade. 

It’s his vibrant blue feet that can potentially seal the deal — brighter, bluer feet indicate more youthfulness and better health, meaning his goofy strutting is a vital part of the courtship process.

The Nursery Web Spider’s High-Risk Gift

Nursery web spiders make Tinder look like a dating utopia. The males know that females are prone to eating them, so they bring an offering (usually a dead insect) wrapped neatly in silk. Apart from the whole potentially-being-devoured-alive thing, it’s quite a romantic gesture. 

But males aren’t always the considerate Romeos they may appear; indeed, some are cheap tricksters. Rather than bringing tasty morsels, they sometimes wrap up an empty seed husk, pebble, or twig instead. While the female is busy unwrapping her “gift” — if, of course, she likes the look of it and doesn’t eat the male — the sneaky male mates with her and then tries to scurry away before she realizes the ruse.

The Dung Beetle’s Rolling Ball of Love

Nothing says romance quite like a giant ball of dung, right? Dung beetles think so, anyway. 

To impress a potential mate, the male constructs a large sphere of manure and rolls it across the terrain using its hind legs. If a watching female is impressed by the size of the ball and the smoothness of the rolling, she may hop onto the dung ball and go for a ride. If all goes well, and the male successfully fends off any rival beetles, the new pair will roll off into the sunset and bury their ball of dung for their future offspring. 

The Ostrich’s Fabulous Flirtations

Male ostriches don’t have it easy: Before mating, a female first leads the male on a lengthy, high-speed chase to test his stamina. Tired, and with the female still not fully swept off her feet, he then has to engage in a dramatic, full-body performance known as kantling. 

He drops to his knees, sways his body from side to side, and rhythmically flaps his enormous, feathery wings. It’s all very showy, but if the female likes his enthusiastic floor routine, she responds by shivering her wings and pecking low to the ground before accepting his courtship. 

This doesn’t only happen in the wild — and it isn’t even necessarily restricted to their own species. On farms and in zoos, male ostriches have been known to fall for their human keepers, who they sometimes attempt to woo in the same flirtatious manner.